Chapter 28 - Michael

Another great discussion yesterday. I look forward to your comments on this. I think this will stand by itself as a chapter. I can't believe we've passed 45K words. It seems like we've still got a long way to go, but we are getting closer and closer to the final epilogue.

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

MICHAEL’S DIVE LOG – VOLUME 10

Dive Buddy: Leesie           

Date:  06/30

Dive #:

Location: Grand Cayman

Dive Site:

Weather Condition:

Water Condition:

Depth:  

Visibility: 

Water Temp: 

Bottom Time:  

Comments:

            Long day. I teach pool and classroom sessions in the morning, and I’m out on the boat with the students all afternoon. I’m stuck filling bottles and fixing a reg after that while everyone else disappears.

            I don’t make it to Aunty Jaz’s until after 9 PM. Leesie’s got the front outdoor lights blazing—she’s still clipping. She meets me at my car door. She’s all over me before I can even get all the way out. Doesn’t seem to care that she’s sweaty tonight. Not that I’m complaining.

            I get my lips free for a minute, wipe a streak of dirt from her cheek. “Hey—this is sweet. What gives?”

            “I waited and waited.” Her arms are scratched up from her long struggle with stubborn bougainvillea vines. “I thought maybe I’d come on too strong yesterday, and you’d flown off somewhere.”

            “Why didn’t you call?”

            “I did. You didn’t pick up.”

            “Sorry, babe. No cell service out on the ocean.” We move off the dark sidewalk under the bright pool of light where she worked. “Looks like you took it out on the bougainvillea.” The vines are butchered.

            Her legs are scratched up, too. “Did I mess it up?”

            My eyes move from the branches littering the yard to her face, and I know she’s not talking about gardening. “No. No. You helped a lot.” I bend down and kiss her.

            She’s trembling. “I thought I’d scared you off for good.” She buries her face in my chest.

            I hold her, stroke her head. She could tell me she believes in holy flying penguins, and I’d be back. “You can’t get rid of me that easy, and look—” I hold up the Book of Mormon I’d shoved in the back of my jeans when Leesie attacked me. “Can you read with me? It’s hard by myself.”

            She raises her head from hiding and takes the book. “Do you have more questions?”

            I nod.

            I get one more kiss, and she pulls me around the back to the screened porch. She already put Aunty Jaz to bed.

            We sit, side by side, on the couch, knees, arms, ankles touching. She reads, stops, explains—paints the sacred stories of her childhood. She’s beautiful in her element.

            I listen and love her.

            We get to the part where the father dies. The mean brothers want to kill Nephi. Leesie gets emotional. “Droop in sin,” she reads. “That’s what I did. I’d still be stuck there, miserable, if you hadn’t forced me into President Bodden’s office.” She sniffs and strokes the open page on her lap.

            I put my arm around her. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

            “You don’t think that was inspiration?”

            I lean my cheek on her head. “More like desperation.”

            She keeps reading. “I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh.” She chokes up—makes me continue.

            I finish the chapter—it’s just a few more verses. It’s beautiful. I hold Leesie, and we share an intense moment born of all we’ve been through together—my grief, hers, our ups and downs, the love that battled its way through it all. If anything is divine—that is. The love we share is truly holy.

            It’s midnight when I tenderly find Leesie’s lips and whisper good night.

            As I drive back to the East End, I remember the feeling I had back in the temple garden in Hong Kong and the tunnel with all those BYU kids singing hymns. The power that stopped me from going into Leesie’s room that first awful night we spent in Cayman wasn’t my mom. I didn’t sense her in Hong Kong and in the tunnel like I did the other times she helped me. But something was. Something real. Something like I felt with Leesie tonight.

            I pull the car off the road when I get to the blow holes. I wander out on the coral rocks—close enough to the waves forcing themselves up through the coral tubes to feel the fine mist on my face—and stare out at the night ocean.

            The sky overhead is heavy with stars.

            I owe this to Leesie. At least once.

            “Is it—I mean—are You—real?”

            The ocean surges, seethes. An unusually large wave hits hard enough to drench me with spray.

            I wipe my face and whisper, “Is that a yes?”

            I have to admit there is a power in the night beyond me, beyond the ocean, beyond the sky, beyond the stars.

            Something is out there.

            Something big.

            Something real.

            Something I can no longer deny.

Chapter 27 - Leesie's Poem to finish

Great discussion yesterday. Today's poem from Leesie is dedicated to all of you who commented. I'm sure this is exactly who she'd be feeling inside. Total panic! This finishes Chapter 27. We hear from Michael again tomorrow. I've got to figure out a good place to add a Leesie/Kim chat. Not here. Not yet. I want you to experience what Michael and Leesie are going through first hand.

CHAPTER 27 - Part 2

LEESIE’S MOST PRIVATE CHAPBOOK

POEM #??,

I blew it.

I blew it.

I’m sure that I blew it.

Too much, too fast,

too little, too slow.

I bungled it all

in a mixed up jumble.

He thinks it’s crazy.

I wish he’d let me

call in the elders.

They could stop by

tomorrow to help

with the yard.

Service Project.

He’d see through that

and never speak to me

again.

Maybe he already won’t speak

to me again. Did I really bring up

Heavenly intimacy? 

I pull my hide-a-bed out of the couch,

hit my knees beside it,

weary the Lord with my whining.

“He says he wants me to teach him

like he taught me,

but, but, but—”

You can do this.

“I can? I’m not a missionary.

I don’t know what I’m supposed

to teach him first or second.

What if I get something wrong?”

Just open your mouth.

“Really?”

A glorious, hopeful peace

blooms from my heart

and wafts warmth

to the panicked

doubt in my brain.

I crawl into bed,

curl under the sheet,

kick it off—get up,

readjust the fan,

sit on the edge

of my flimsy mattress,

staring at the black room

and chant,

“I think I can.

I think I can.

I can.

I can.

I can.”           

            

New Year, New Chapter - 27

I hope you all had a happy and safe New Year. Thanks for all your good wishes and encouragement. Thanks, too, all of you who voted for SING ME TO SLEEP on Goodreads. It's was cool and exciting to be nominated, but now it's a relief to have the voting over. All last month I felt like there was someone else I should be contacting. Winners will be announced in January's newsletter. I'll let you know if I get any exciting news. 


Here' the dive log I promised. I might have to cut some of this. I don't want to get too preachy or deeper into doctrine than I need to for the story's sake. But Michael would have questions. Lots of them. At this point, I'm simply writing what comes. If I overwrite, I'll cut back when I revise. As always, I'd love to get your feedback. 


More tomorrow. Enjoy!

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

MICHAEL’S DIVE LOG – VOLUME 10

Dive Buddy: Leesie           

Date:  06/29

Dive #:

Location: Grand Cayman

Dive Site:

Weather Condition:

Water Condition:

Depth:  

Visibility: 

Water Temp: 

Bottom Time:  

Comments:

            As I drive home from Aunty’ Jaz’s and all the next day while I’m diving, I keep thinking about what Leesie told me. To become a Mormon I have to believe in Jesus Christ. Not just that he was a great man who taught stuff that changed the world—for good or ill—depending on your point of view. I have to believe He’s God’s son—a God himself—my brother. And He came to save me. From what I’m not sure. I need to ask Leesie.

            Leesie says God and Jesus aren’t some indescribable divine force. Joseph Smith saw them. They have physical bodies. What about the Holy Spirit? How does He fit in?

            And there’s this huge hole in Leesie’s logic. If God is literally the father of our spirits, don’t we need a mother up there, too? Is that supposed to be Mary? But how could she be Jesus’s mother on earth while she was being a mother in heaven.

            I only have to work the morning. After I unload the dive boat, I grab a sandwich and head out. When I get to Aunty Jaz’s, Leesie’s in the front clipping the giant bougainvilleas that overwhelm the shack.

            “Ouch.” She yells and drops the clippers. “Did you know these things have thorns?” She shoves her thumb in her mouth. 

            “Yeah. You need gloves.”

            She kicks at the clippers. “And better clippers.”

            “Want me to help?” I look at the mess she’s making. “We used to have these in Phoenix.”

            “I don’t know.” She takes a few steps back and surveys her progress. “It seems hopeless.”

            I slide my arm around her waist. “We can do it together.” I kiss her, and she squirms.

            “Gross. I’m all sweaty.”

            I kiss her again. “I like sweaty.”

            She claps her hands over her ears and starts humming a tune that sounds like something they sang in church Sunday.

            I laugh and release her. “I’ve got some questions for you.”

            “Really?” She slaps at a mosquito on my arm. “We need more bug spray, too.”

            Leesie washes up quick while I take cover from the mosquitoes with Aunty Jaz on the screened porch.

            “That girl just doesn’t stop—does she?”

            I sit beside Aunty Jaz. “Not when she gets her mind set on something.”

            Aunty Jaz looks back to make sure Leesie’s still inside, leans over and whispers, “She’s been busy at that computer late at night and early in the morning. She won’t read any of it to me, though.”

            “Me, neither.” It’s good to hear she’s working on her poetry, though. She’s progressing faster than I expected.

            “How are you doing with that Book of Mormon?”

            I lower my voice. “I kind of got stuck. Leesie’s helping me. Is that allowed?”

            Aunty Jaz’s face splits wide with a smile. “Of course. So that’s why she gave me that big kiss last night.”

            I give her a big kiss on the cheek, too.

            Leesie catches us. “Are you trying to steal my fiancé?”

            Aunty Jaz slaps my back. “I’ve turned his head, sweetie. I have that affect on men.”

            Leesie takes my hands and pulls me to my feet. “Mind if I try to win him back?”

            “You can try.” She winks at me.

            Leesie winds her fingers through mine. “We’ll be back in a couple hours. You’ll be okay?”

            “My nurse arrives shortly.”

            “We can stay until she comes.”

            Aunty Jaz shoos us with both hands. “Get along.”

            As soon as we’re on the road driving towards Georgetown, Leesie bites her lower lip and folds her hands in her lap. “You have questions?”

            “Yeah.” I swallow. My thoughts are in a jumble. “First, how does the Holy—”

            “—Ghost?”

            “—fit in?”

            “He’s the third member of the Godhead.”

            “With God and Jesus?” I glance over at her. She nods. I look back at the road. “Why do you call him a ghost? That’s weird.”

            “He doesn’t have a physical body like Jesus and Heavenly Father so he can communicate with our spirits.”

            “Okay. Whatever. You know, this whole Heavenly Father thing has a big problem. Who’s the mother?”

            “We don’t know.”

            “You think God had all these children by himself? Think about it, babe. That makes no sense. Is it Mary?”

            “No. She’s Jesus earthly mother.”

            “And Joseph’s his father—so how is he different than everyone else?”

            “Check you Bible stories, hon. Joseph wasn’t his father. Mary was a virgin, remember?”

            Not really. Never read the stuff. “So it was like magic?”

            “You read the scriptures about it yesterday. The spirit overshadowed Mary and then she was pregnant. Mary says ‘great things’ were done to her.”

            “You’re saying she slept with God?”

            “I’m saying we don’t know the details. But she’s called a handmaid of the Lord. In the Old Testament handmaids bore children for Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. They became wives.”

            “Wives?” I frown, confused. “You think God’s a polygamist? I have to believe that?”

            “No. I’m guessing here. God made the rules. His relationship with Mary wasn’t based on sin. All you have to believe is Jesus was His son.”

            “Not a fast-talking Jewish girl’s ba—”

            “Don’t say that.” She grabs my arm. “It hurts.” She presses her hand to her heart.

            “I’m sorry.” We drive in silence a couple miles. We reach the outskirts of Georgetown and traffic slows up. We get stopped at a red light. I turn to her. “You believe all this stuff—literally?”

            “Yes.” She meets my searching gaze. “We do believe in a Mother in Heaven, but she’s not Mary.”

            I shake my head. “I’ve never heard you pray to her.”

            “No. We pray to the Father in the Son’s name.”

            “What does that mean?”

            “Jesus takes our prayers to the Father and pleads for us.”

            “And what does the mother do?”

            “We don’t know for sure. I think she’s there, part of everything—sharing like parents do.”

            “Are you making this up? You’ve never mentioned her before.”

            Leesie’s voice takes on an intense tone. “It’s very sacred doctrine.”

            “So we were one big happy God family?” Sounds more like sci-fi than religion.

            “In heaven? Before we came to earth? Very big. Mostly happy.”

            I lean back and shake my head. “How could perfect, all-powerful God-parents make their children live in such a horrible place? Suffer like—” Me. And her.

            “We chose to come here. Fought for the privilege.”

            “Fought? Who?”

            “Our other brother.”

            We’re at the store, so the question I have about that gets lost in buying mega-clippers, two pairs of thick gloves, six different types of mosquito killer, and a giant bag of potato chips.

Leesie naps on the drive back to Aunty’s Jaz’s, so we don’t get back to our private discussion until late that night when Leesie kisses me goodnight. “Did I freak you earlier today with the Heavenly Mother stuff?”

            “Nope.” I smooth my hand over her furry head. “It’s no stranger than everything else.”

            “It’s why the temple is so important.” She can see I’m not following. “The family is a divine entity. The heart of everything in heaven and earth.”

            “So you need to stick them together?” I stroke her cheek.

            “Seal them.” She presses her lips into my palm.

            I hug her close. “Why isn’t it automatic?” It should be. People who love each other should be together forever if they want to be.

            “Nothing’s automatic.” She leans her face onto my hand. “God’s too good of a teacher to go for that.”

            “He’s God.” I crouch down so we’re eye to eye. “He could cut us some slack.”

            “If this is a test”—she touches her nose to mine—“he’s got to make it hard enough for us to grow.” She kisses me and retreats to the doorway. “Have you prayed?”

            I shake my head.

            She blows me a kiss. “Try.”

Chapter 26 - Part 3 - The rest of Leesie's poem

Here's the rest of Leesie's poem to finish off Chapter 26. I'm working on a dive log to post  Monday. I hope you all have a Happy, Happy New Year!! 

Thank you for cheering me on through a tough 2010. It's been a hard year for lots of people. I watch what is going on around me and feel so blessed. Sometimes I think I should relax and enjoy my great kids and wonderful husband. 

If I didn't write, my life would be so easy. I'd be bored and grumpy and miss all of you, but I wouldn't be banging my head against the wall, either. The marketing and self-promotion aspect of being an author stresses me out. And I don't want to even think about dealing with publishers. 

But who am I kidding? The challenge of creating fiction is something I can't live without. I've had amazing mentors, wonderful friends, and a editor who believed in my art enough to publish it--huge blessings. At the end of my sixth year post-MFA, I am incredibly grateful for all the opportunities that have come. I've learned so much, and I'm still learning.

I am most grateful for all of you. 

Before you get published and people actually read your work, it's hard to even imagine how you feel about every person who picks up your book and loves it. It's like trying to explain to someone who isn't a parent the overwhelming sensations that engulf you when a child is born. You've touched my heart deeply, and I can honestly say I love you all. Thank you for letting me into your lives and joining yours to mine.  When I look back on 2010, I'm not going to remember the rejection and frustration. Or even the relentless PR. I'm going to remember you.

So, no easy life for me. Not in 2011, 2012, or ever. I've got stories to tell!

Here's the rest of the poem we started yesterday. Now I need to go take down the Christmas tree.

Leesie's Poem (cont.)

After dinner at Aunty Jaz’s

while she snores on the couch

with her bandaged foot propped

on a tower of pillows balanced

on a wispy coffee table,

Michael sits beside me

on the step that leads to

a kitchen full of dirty dishes

that I need to wash.

I lean into him and inhale

his presence.

His lips rest on the top of my head

for a moment and then

he carefully places an open

Book of Mormon in my lap.

“I don’t get this part,” he whispers.

“Can you help me?”

I sit up so I can study his face.

My eyes find his and hold them.

“You’re reading this?”

Tears threaten and a lump

in my throat chokes off my words.

He did this on his own? all alone?

Without me?

I sniff and pull a ragged tissue from my pocket.

He kisses my forehead. “Aunty Jaz told me

about that test at the end.”

I try to stay calm, match his nonchalance,

focus on the page open in my lap—

Lehi’s dream? My fingers smooth

over the page as my heart

beats loud enough for him to hear it.

“What do you think so far?”

“I don’t know I just started.”

His arms go around me.

“More action than I expected.

I thought holy guys were wimps.”

I snuggle into his embrace. “Not Nephi.”

“Yeah.” He raises a hand to his neck.

“That dude’s dangerous.”

“We don’t chop off heads at midnight.”

He laughs and stretches his legs out.

“Do you think I’m Laman or Lemuel?”

“The bad boys?” I frown at him. “No way.”

“Who then?”

“Sam?”

“No.”

 I hunch over thinking, with elbows

on my knees and my chin in my palms.

“I know”—I sit up and twist to face him—

“You’re Zoram.” He looks puzzled.

I flick the pages back, searching.

“The guy they capture and force

to come along. Here.” I point to the verse.

He reads and shakes his head. “That’s what

I thought. Join us or die.”

I lean close and press my lips to his.

“That’s not your choice.”

He holds my face against his.

“Join us or lose you.”

I kiss him again.

“That’s not going to happen.”

“Even if,” he murmurs across

my mouth, “this test is a flop?”

I bow my head onto his shoulder.

“Have you prayed yet?”

“I’m on page fourteen.”

I look up. “So?”

“Don’t I have to finish

the whole thing first?”

I take his face between by hands

“Pray ever time you open the book.”

He leans forward and kisses me.

“Like now?”

We kiss again. “Uh-huh.”

He sits up, serious now.

“Can you do it?”

“No.” I push his hair out of his face.

His eyes move away from mine.

“You know I don’t believe

I’m talking to anybody?”

I take his hands and whisper,

“Then what will it hurt?”

He bows his head, closes his eyes.

“Dear Leesie’s God-guy,

Can you get her to explain

this dream bit to me? Amen.”

I squeeze his hands.

“I could call the elders. The guys

at the branch are nice.”

“Nope.” He lifts my hands to his lips.

“This is just between you and me.”

“And my God-guy.”

We sit side by side and bend

our heads over the verses.

“Lehi’s boys couldn’t figure the dream

out, either. The naughty ones sat around

and complained. Nephi prayed and look”—

Michael’s eyes follow as my fingers turn the pages—

“the Lord answered.”

He picks up the book and reads.

“This is talking all about Jesus.

He wasn’t in the dream.”

“The Tree of Life is God’s love.”

I point to the verse.

“Nephi received a vision of Christ

because His mission to earth

is the greatest manifestation

of the Father’s love for us.”

“But aren’t they the same guy?

I know that much from Gram’s church.”

“No.” I flip to a picture of the first vision.

“Father and Son—just like you

and your dad—with bodies like

ours, but perfected—Eternal.

Glorified.”

He strokes my cheek.

“And you’re His daughter?”

I kiss his fingers.

“And you’re His son.”

“Like Pres. Bodden’s blessing?”

“You remember that?”

He meets my eyes with intensity.

“I can’t forget it.”

I put my arms around him and draw

him close. “Thank you—for trying my world.”

I kiss him with all the love in my heart.

He hangs onto me. “Don’t let go or I’ll panic.”

“Don’t worry.” I squeeze him. “I’ve got you.”

He rests his forehead on mine.

“What if you’re God doesn’t speak to me?”

I shake my head in wonder that he

does see what’s so clear.

“He already has or we wouldn’t be here.”

Michael draws away. “That’s my mom.”

I pull him back close.

“She’s on His side.”

Chapter 26 - Part 2 - Leesie's poem

I think this is only half of Leesie's poem. I need to really take my time with the rest of it. I want the next scene to be from her POV, too. So this is just Part A to the poem. Baby steps today, but an important one for Leesie.

Today is the final day to vote in the Goodreads Choice Award. I'm trying hard not to think about it or I'll go crazy! Thanks again for all your support.

LEESIE’S MOST PRIVATE CHAPBOOK

Sunday.

Church.

Michael holds the silver

bread tray for me until

I take

a tiny white crumble

and put it in my mouth.

I chew slowly, waiting

for a lightening bolt

to fry me in my seat.

I close my eyes, feel

Michael’s fingers winding

around mine.

Did You know he would

be such a miracle?

The heavens don’t answer.

I’m left to ponder until it’s

time for the water.

I don’t hesitate at this

second emblem of renewal.

I feel it washing me inside

as it trickles down my throat.

Michael senses success,

squeezes my hand.

He cares so much

that I find my way

back to the Savior

he doesn’t

admit exists.

Is he pretending?

Is this all show for me—

so I can get that crutch

back under me?

I want it to be

as real as the intensity

his eyes reveal

when he catches mine

and smiles.

Chapter 26 - Michael's turn

Yikes! I think tomorrow is the last day to vote in the Goodreads Choice Awards poll. It ends 12/30, but I'm not sure if that means midnight or the contest closes as soon as it becomes 12/30. The giveaways work like that latter. I feel like I should be doing something else, but I've written to everyone in the universe. I don't want to get annoying. So many bloggers have thrown their support my way. ANWA got it in their December newsletter, and SCBWI came through with a great blurb in Expressions Online. If you can think of anyone in your galaxy you haven't cajoled into voting for SING ME TO SLEEP, you've still got 36-48 hours. Thanks for holding my hand through this. And making it happen. It's the first time my work has been recognized in any way. I'm still in shock and still grateful.

Here's a good step forward. Enjoy!

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

MICHAEL’S DIVE LOG – VOLUME 10

Dive Buddy: Leesie           

Date:  06/25

Dive #:

Location: Grand Cayman

Dive Site:

Weather Condition:

Water Condition:

Depth:  

Visibility: 

Water Temp: 

Bottom Time:  

Comments:

            I lucked out. It’s slow today. The new kayak I ordered is in at the scuba shop. Aunty Jaz’s nurse comes Thursday afternoon. Which all adds up to me and Leesie paddling out to the mini wall just off Turtle Reef. Jaz lives in West Bay. Close to here where I certified to free dive as a kid. North Wall is close, too. Great diving. Too bad I’m down in East End, but we’ll make it work. I bought a car.  It’s cool.

            Okay, I lied. I’m doing all the paddling. Leesie’s facing me instead of turned around in paddle ready form. She’s lying back on the rugged black nylon the boat’s made out of, eyes closed, fingers trailing in the water.

            I hold the paddle so it drips on her face.

            Her eyes open. “Are we there yet.” She wipes the drops from her face.

            “No.”

            Her eyes close again. “When can we go swimming?”

            “Can we talk first?” We haven’t talked alone much since she moved to Aunty Jaz’s.

            “I’m hot.” She sits up and drops her head on my shoulder.

            I lower my paddle. “Let’s swim then.”

            She hits the water before I can even stow my paddle. I hand her fins, snorkel and mask. “Babe, you gotta wear this stuff. You’re in the ocean.”

            She takes them and smiles. “Have I told you I love you?”

            “Not today.” I slide into the water and kiss her.

            She pushes me away. “That’s so dangerous.”

            “I know.” I hook one arm on the kayak and watch her. “I’ll be good.”

            Her face gets bleak. “I’m not worried about you.”

            “You’re going to flip out and attack me?”

            That coaxes a faint smile. “Yeah. Brace yourself.”

            I maneuver the kayak between us. “How’s this?”

            She hooks her elbows over her side and stares across at me with her chin propped on her fists. “Perfect.”

            “How’s it going, babe? All that stuff Pres. Bodden told you to do?”

            “Okay, I guess.”

            I frown at her. “You didn’t eat the sacrament thing Sunday.”

            “You saw?”

            “Pres. B said you should.”

            Her eyes explore the bottom of the boat. “I know. I need to do it, but I’m scum. It felt wrong.”

            “Hey.” I lift her chin. “Why?”

            “I listened to the wrong voice.” Her masked eyes search for mine. “I felt horrible that I didn’t take it. This Sunday for sure I will. Will you drive us again?”

            “Of course.” I rest my hand on her shoulder.

            “It’s not too boring?”

            I squeeze her arm. “How’s the other stuff going?”

            She inhales deeply, slips her mask up. “I emailed Krystal yesterday. I haven’t heard back. That’s the last apology I can think of.”

            I slip my mask up, too. “What about all that praying?” I stroke her cheek.

            She leans against my hand. “I’m doing that, too.”

            “President Bodden said I should help with that.”

            “It’s okay, Michael.” She slips from my touch. “I can handle it. I know all this stuff makes you uncomfortable.”

            I don’t know what to say to that. Am I relieved? Or upset that she’s blocking me out from it? I pull myself into the kayak and help her back in. She picks up her paddle. We paddle in sync a few minutes up-current along the mini-wall to a good free-diving spot. I rest my elbows on my paddle and lean forward so I can whisper to Leesie. “It doesn’t.”

            She cranes her neck around. “What?”

            I stroke her wet, velvet head. “Your church stuff. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable anymore.”

            She bows her head.

            I wrap my arms around her. “You’re praying right now, aren’t you?”

            “Just saying thanks.” She cups my face in her hand.

            “Let me hear.”

            She twists to face me, takes hold of my hands and bows her head again. “Dear Heavenly Father, Thank Thee for Michael.”

            I rest my forehead against hers. “That’s what you pray?”

            “All day. Every day. 24/7.”

            Then we get in the water, and I feel like everything is slow motion. Breathing down for a free dive, falling through the water to the wall, floating with a couple angel fish, kicking my huge free dive fins back up to Leesie. It’s like a dream. My mom is there all around me—in every drop of water, every smile Leesie gives me, every ray of sunshine that lights the ocean we dive through.

            I get Leesie to try a few free dives. She’s awful at it.—can’t hold her breath. She tries, though. We stay out on the wall until I’m almost too tired to paddle back in.

            When we get to Aunty Jaz’s, I corner her on the porch while Leesie’s changing. “How do I know that what I feel is what you guys say it is? It feels like my mom. You know she died?”

            Aunty Jaz shakes her head. “I’m sorry, sweet boy.” She pats my knee.

            “Me, too. What Leesie says is your Holy whatever feels to me like whispers from my mom. I know that’s real. Why should I believe the way you guys explain it?”

            Aunty Jaz hands me a Book of Mormon she was reading before I sat down beside her. “Turn to the back. It’s marked.” She leans across me, flips the pages to a couple underlined verses.

            It says if someone reads the book and asks God about it, He’ll tell him if it’s true. “That’s it?” I look up at her. “I just have to pray?” That’s kind of their answer for everything.

            Aunty Jaz grins and winks at me. “Read that book and pray.”

            I close it up and hand it back to her.

            She pushes it to me. “You keep it. My gift.”

            “Are you sure?”

            “Of course.”

            I put it away before Leesie comes back out.

            Read the book and pray.

            How hard can that be?

Chapter 25 - Part 2 Kim's back!

Did you all have a Merry Christmas? It's been great to have our college kids home. They've been having such a good time together. I love this week in between Christmas and New Year's, don't you? It's kind of a limbo time with the kids out of school and no big holidays to plan. A nice time to rest and relax. This year we're staying at home with the family instead of traveling. I'm glad. Phoenix weather is perfect while everywhere else it's a blizzard. I hope you are all safe, warm, and cozy!

Make yourself a big mug of hot cocoa. Here's a nice, juicy chat with Kim full of lots of information to finish off Chapter 25! Enjoy.

LEESIE HUNT / CHATSPOT LOG / 06/23/2010  3:17 PM

Kimbo69 says:  You moved away from all those beautiful boys before I could come visit?

Leesie327 says:  Poor Mark. Do you drool like this when he’s around?

Kimbo69 says: We have a mutual agreement about eye candy.

Leesie327 says:  You’ll love Aunty Jaz.

Kimbo69 says:  Why do they call her that?

Leesie327 says:  Her name is Jasmine—like the flower.

Kimbo69 says:  Does she smell good?

Leesie327 says:  Michael thinks it’s a sign from his mom. She used to wear gardenia perfume. It’s like one tropical flower to another.

Kimbo69 says:  He’s getting as crazy as you are.

Leesie327 says: He took us to church Sunday. I didn’t even ask. All the sudden there he was in front Jaz’s shack, honking the horn of a used car he just bought because the 4X4 he’d rented was too hard for Aunty Jaz to get into. He wore a brand new white shirt and that Valentino tie I Ebayed for him when I made him go to that dance with me.

Kimbo69 says: He went to church with you?

Leesie327 says:  It took both of us to get Aunty Jaz in the front seat of the car. It was worth it, though. She was so excited to be going to church again. She used to take a bus. Can’t now with her foot.

Kimbo69 says: Is her house really a shack?

Leesie327 says:  Pretty much. There’s running water, a real toilet, electricity—no AC. We spend a lot of time on the porch.

Kimbo69 says:  How sick is she?

Leesie327 says: I have to make sure she eats and gets her insulin shot. We test her sugar, too. The nurse came Friday, and I helped her change the bandages on Jaz’s foot—it’s bad.

Kimbo69 says:  I’d hurl.

Leesie327 says:  I’m tougher than you.

Kimbo69 says: It soulds like you like this stuff.

Leesie327 says:  I do. I’ve got something to do other than flail myself with guilt over the accident or fantasize myself crazy about Michael.

Kimbo69 says:  You’ve stopped fantasizing about Michael?

Leesie327 says:  I’m trying—it’s not that easy.

Kimbo69 says: No fantasizing? That’s not healthy.

Leesie327 says: I’ve got to repent.

Kimbo69 says: Even your thoughts?

Leesie327 says: Yeah. That’s the hardest part. He walks into the room, and I have to start all over again. Let those thoughts go wild, and it’s hard to get rid of them.

Kimbo69 says:  I’ll never figure you out.

Leesie327 says:  It’s not such a mystery. If I can’t sleep with him, it makes it worse if I’m constantly thinking about it. Duh.

Kimbo69 says: Are you still getting married?

Leesie327 says:  I hope by the end of the summer like we planned. I’m never giving him his ring back. He’s stuck with me.

Kimbo69 says: That doesn’t sound too definite. What’s wrong?

Leesie327 says:  Nothing. I have to go home first—he promised my dad.

Kimbo69 says:  Can you do that now?

Leesie327 says:  I’ve been on the phone with my parents every day since that first call. I think I’ll be ready. I have to be ready. So we can get married.

Kimbo69 says: So is Michael pretty stoked? It’s what he wants, isn’t it?

Leesie327 says: We’re not talking about it. There’s still one big complication.

Kimbo69 says: You’re still holding the Mormon stuff against him?

Leesie327 says: That doesn’t matter to me anymore. I just want him.

Kimbo69 says:  Tell him then.

Leesie327 says:  I tried—and I choked on the words.

Kimbo69 says:  He deserves this, Leesie. Don’t be such a wimp.

Leesie327 says:  I know. I know.

Kimbo69 says:  How often do you get to see him?

Leesie327 says: He drives all the way over here every night after work. Hangs out until midnight and then goes back to East End. That’s a lot of driving.

Kimbo69 says: I’d call it devotion.

Leesie327 says:  Aunty Jaz told me her husband got baptized twenty years after they got married. I’d wait that long for Michael—I would.

Kimbo69 says:  What if he never gets baptized?

Leesie327 says:  He brought me back. He must believe a tiny bit.

Kimbo69 says:  He knows you need it—that doesn’t mean he believes it.

Leesie327 says:  I know. That’s why I’m too afraid to even bring it up. After all we’ve been though, I can’t risk offending him.

Kimbo69 says: You’ve got to talk to him.

Leesie327 says: I think I’m going to watch and wait. Nothing else feels right.

Kimbo69 says:  That’s it?

Leesie327 says:  And pray.

Kimbo69 says:  Pray?

Leesie327 says: Pray.