Thursday, October 21, 2010

Chapter 3 cont. - Enter KIM!

This was kind of tricky to introduce Kim again. Do you think the transition works or is too clunky? I think this will be the rest of chapter three. Chapter Four tomorrow.


Dive Buddy:            Leesie
Date:  04/28
Dive #:
Location: Grand Cayman
Dive Site:
Weather Condition:
Water Condition:
Water Temp: 
Bottom Time:  

I wish I could go out to the East End—best diving on the island. North is good, too. Lots of eagle rays up there. But those guys will be long gone by now.  I’m close to West end dives here. Lame by Cayman standards. Excellent compared to Thailand.
I borrow the center’s phone and call a guy we used to charter. Great. He’s got a boat going out at 10 AM.
“It’s a private charter, though.” He sounds like he’s trying to get rid of me. “Tough luck.”
“Wait.” I offer something no dive captain can resist. “Look, I’ll haul tanks, guide, set up all the gear. Whatever it takes. It’ll be the easiest day you ever spent on the water.”
“I don’t know, dude.”
I pull out my secret weapon. “Are there females in the party?”
He pauses—checking the list most likely. “Four.”
“Bring me along and they’ll be back.”
He laughs. “You can guarantee that?”
I’m so glad Leesie can’t hear this. “Just stating the facts.”
“This is Michael Walden?”
“Okay. You’re in. Remember the dock we pick up at?”
“I’d do anything for you dad. He was the best.”
My eyes sting, but I manage to thank the guy without blubbering. “I’ll need gear, too.”

The dive isn’t spectacular. The women are annoying, but still it feels fantastic to be breathing through a reg, finning over coral beds, relaxing in my native element where I don’t have to talk or think. Just be.
After, I swing by the hotel and pick up my laptop on my way to see Leesie. She’s not in her room when I get there, so I lounge on her bed, email Claude to ship me my junk—especially all that stuff I bought for Leesie. It’ll have to come by air or we’ll never get it. If Claude wasn’t such a jerk, I’d send him a ticket and have him bring it out here. But Claude is—Claude. No thanks.
I sign into ChatSpot, notice Kimbo69 is online, and decide it’s time to bring in reinforcements.


liv2div says: hey, Kim…it’s Michael.
Kimbo69 says: Leesie’s Michael? Didn’t know we were friends. I’m so not talking to you.
liv2div says: I need your help.
Kimbo69 says: No way. Leesie’s my best friend…you broke her heart, ground it into minced meat, and fed it to the sharks. Go back to your pretty prostitute—or buy a new one. Stay away from Leesie…you messed up her life enough. I know the whole no-sex thing must be tough on you, but that’s no excuse—you promised, her. She hasn’t been online. What have you done to her?
liv2div says: you haven’t heard?
Kimbo69 says: Don’t tell me you’re back together.
liv2div says: Leesie crashed her truck driving home from BYU.
Kimbo69 says: What? Is she hurt?
liv2div says: lots of broken stuff…they patched her up…she’ll heal.
Kimbo69 says: Is she still in the hospital? I need to come see her.
liv2div says: she’s broken up inside worse…Phil was with her…you know, her brother…he didn’t make it.
Kimbo69 says: That’s horrible. Poor, Leesie. I can’t believe it.
liv2div says: she blames herself…won’t tell anyone what happened…not even me
Kimbo69 says: I’ll come visit today. Where is she?
liv2div says: she so messed up…she thinks God won’t forgive her…she’s turned her back on her famiy, all her Mormon stuff…begged me to sleep with her
Kimbo69 says: You CREEP! How could you do that?
liv2div says: I didn’t…and she got so angry at me…playing nice today but I don’t know what I’ll do if she gets like that again
Kimbo69 says: Leave it to me. I’ll talk to her.
liv2div says: she can’t really type
Kimbo69 says: Face to face, numbskull. What hospital is she in?
liv2div says: they released her Sunday night…she couldn’t bear going home…so we ran away together
Kimbo69 says: You kidnapped her?
liv2div says: rescued her…we’re both eighteen we can do what we want
Kimbo69 says: How did you even get back in the picture? What happened to your concubine?
liv2div says: don’t call her that…I helped Suki get out of a bad scene…that’s it…I never touched her
Kimbo69 says: Right. You got Leesie to believe that?
liv2div says: she believed it enough to send that missionary dude packing
Kimbo69 says: Crap. I was rooting for him. Not you. Not you. Not you.
liv2div says: whatever, Kim…hate me all you want…will you talk to Leesie?
Kimbo69 says: where are you guys…can I phone her?
liv2div says: Leesie won’t let me tell anyone
Kimbo69 says: Thailand?
liv2div says: of course not…I’ll let her tell you…I think chatting would be safest…she’ll go for that…I’ll have to do the typing until they take the cast of her left hand and let her use her right arm again.
Kimbo69 says: What happened to her arm?
liv2div says: Broken collar-bone. The arm’s okay. Her left hand is broken, too.
Kimbo69 says: It’ll be weird knowing you’re eavesdropping.
liv2div says: just don’t get gross
Kimbo69 says: Me? Never.

I don't have time to scan in the rough drafts today. Believe me, they aren't exciting. Are you getting a little tired of them? Yeah. I thought so. But I do want to share some great underwater pictures my hubbie took. These are Grand Cayman East End dives. Some of my favorite dives in the world. I'm the one in back wearing black flippy force fins. 


  1. I think the transition works, but isn't Michael spilling too much, too fast to Kim? Especially since he's never talked to her before, and she made it clear in the first 5 seconds of the chat that she isn't really his biggest fan. I just think this bit should be longer, a little more drawn out. I'm hardly an expert. Probably don't know what the heck I'm talking about. But it's a gut feeling.

  2. I liked it, I like that he was talking to her, and he does not care that she hates him...he just wants to help Leesie. :)

  3. Michael and Kim met at Thanksgiving. He knows she knows Leesie REALLY well. But I might need to make it longer--or rearrange when he tells her Leesie wanted to sleep with him. I could hold that back for a later chat. That's probably a good point, thanks Sana.

    I thought this could be a good opportunity to remind readers what happened at the end of UNBROKEN CONNECTION, but I wanted to keep that succinct. Rehash can be boring but some is necessary.

    I think I will cut the more intimate part of the conversation. Just those two lines. Save that tidbit for later. I've got a long way to go and that could be the basis for an entire chat.

  4. My favorite line of the chat:

    "she believed it enough to send that missionary dude packing"

    LOVE IT. And Michael doesn't matter if Kim was rooting for Jarod WE ALL are rooting for YOU. /HaHa/.

  5. Very good chapter. But if Kim is Leesie's best friend, wouldn't she already have known about the accident from mutual others? I understand that she still needs to be filled in, but it's a big deal if her friend has gotten in a crash and she's one of the last to hear about it. You might have already mentioned this, but I was just surprised that Kim didn't know already. At least about the crash and Phil. Because over chat I think that's too much to handle.

  6. Yah, Alyssa, I wanted to write it like that, but Kim is an online friend. She's been to Leesie's house once. I don't think Leesie's parents would know how to contact her. They aren't on ChatSpot. I wanted to have them call her looking for Leesie.

    The only way Kim would hear about it if it was on the news or something. They don't have other friends in common. I don't think it would be on the news. Maybe in the paper. But Kim is down at WSU in Pullman--not up in Spokane. You see what I mean? Leesie didn't contact her in the hospital. I tried to figure out how Kim could logically have heard about the accident so she didn't hear about it in a chat or would be trying to contact Leesie, but realistically I don't think she would have got the news yet.

    The accident only happened five days ago, so the whole thing is still really fresh.

  7. I really like it! Though I do think Kim doesn't seem as worried/upset about Leesie's accident asI would have thought - though it would be hard to get tone across via online chat, so maybe it's ok. I don't know, maybe she's not asking enough questions? I could be completely wrong though, so feel free to ignore me!

  8. I think you're right, Jo. She should be more upset. Lots more questions. Good suggestion.

  9. Yay, Kim is BACK! Though, yeah, I too thought she should be more upset..

    But I'm so glad you brought back the chats. I hope they are staying.

  10. I just look back at that. All Kim says is "what is she hurt?" Yup. I agree with all of you. She needs to be lots more upset.

  11. She does need to be a lot more upset I think. I'm thinking more exclamation points and more shock, especially about Leesie's brother dying. If Kim cares about Leesie, which I know she does, I feel like she would be freaking out a lot more in long dragged on sentences-"Are you kidding me?????" and maybe some short broken up comments line to line like-

    oh my gosh........
    poor leesie

    I don't know, just a thought :)
    And...Hurray! I made the pics! You can see my leg :)

  12. I agree- Kim should be more upset. But that is hard to convey over chat.