Monday, November 8, 2010

Leesie's Wall

Happy Monday! Does such a thing exist?

My Monday morning started out miserable, but it's turning into a good day. It's beautiful and cooler here today, and I needed cheering up, so I sat outside while I wrote. Ahhh. So nice. And then I came in and found that Brandi at Blkosiner's Book Blog posted a TAKEN BY STORM giveaway and an interview all about SING ME TO SLEEP. The contest runs until Tuesday, November 16th. Brandi is reading UNBROKEN CONNECTION now and will be joining us here soon. YAY!

Did I tell you all that the world famous Amabile Youth Singers RECORDED "Take me Home," the song that changes Beth's life in SING ME TO SLEEP? Harriet Bushman did an amazing job writing the music and arranging it. It will be live on iTunes soon. I'll let you know when. I cried when I first heard it.

TODAY is the last day to enter the contest for SING ME TO SLEEP on Linda Weaver Clark's blog. Don't miss out on that. Tell all your friends and post it all around!

One last commercial before the post--I'm making you pay for it today, aren't I? You have until this Friday (November 12th) to bid on the marked-up-full-of-all-my-secrets hardcover copy of SING ME TO SLEEP on Leave a Mark Auctions.

I'm hoping to post the details of our contest tonight. So check back, okay?

Phew. Now, here's Leesie's wall poem. I'm trying to decide if I should have Michael find her wall still up when he wakes up the laptop and what his reaction will be. Confront her with the post from Jaron or bury it inside to fester like a giant sliver in the taste of joy he discovered in the last dive log he wrote? I think he'd go with the second choice. What do you guys think?


My mouse drifts as far away
from the link to my wall as it can linger.
I thought I was safe here in chat.
My online status is eternally turned off.
Only Kim can find me.
The wall? Nothing much is ever on it.
It’s not like I’m a ChatSpot queen
with thousands of friends.
What did Kim do? She promised.
I’ll click her off, too. And that
will be that. ChatSpot?
Who needs it?
Friends? I’ve eve got a new
one of those. Rare thing for me.

Look at it.
Look at it.
Look at it.
No. No. No.

I move the mouse to click
the site closed. My finger
hovers over the mouse pad—
draws a line to the wall
and taps.

That’s all it takes for it
to bloom before my eyes.
Tiny square pictures—roomie’s
and friends, a girl from my English class,
even kids from home who hated me
and liked Phil—
all saying one thing:

“Leesie, we love you.
Come home.”

There’s even one from Phil’s
glittering Krystal, “Leesie,
I love you. Come home.
We don’t blame you.”

Tawni says she wants to room
with me next year. Dayla
sends hugs from her and Noah.
Roxi, Cadence and Lily
join the refrain,
“Leesie, we love you.
Come home.”

Hardest to read
is from Stephie.
I vaguely remember her
friending me last month
thinking wow, she’s growing up.
On ChatSpot already?
What happened to Barbies?
“Leesie, I love you.
Come home.”

Nothing from Kim.
She kept her promise.

Nine pages down
I discover the culprit.
In a few quiet words,
Jaron spills all my secrets
to the word: the accident,
Phil’s death, my injuries,
and flight. He asks
them to pray. He asks
them to understand
my grief, my pain, my guilt.
He closes with,
“Leesie, I love you.
Come home.”

Never. Never Never.
You spoiled, self-righteous jerk.
This wasn’t your right. I rage
at the screen. This isn’t your
story to uncover. Don’t flay
me with kindness,
unending understanding.
You aren’t my keeper.
Don’t you dare remind God
I exist. How can you be so cruel
to break my heart with all
this lost, lost, love.

Come home?
How can I ever?
I killed my brother.
His blood drips in my dreams
every night. My hands
are crimson—never to be white.
You can’t love me.
You can’t forgive me.
No one can.
No one will.
No one should.

I slam down the screen,
need to get far, far away,
grab my crutch and hop
a long down to the boat dock.
A white boat crashes through
the foaming break in the reef
into the aquamarine
jeweled water of the safe inlet.
Yes. It’s his. That’s him
waving, smiling, flexing
his bare pects at me
that sheen with sweat
when he finally hugs me hello
after hefting hundreds of pounds
of gear and tanks out of the boat
and onto the deck.

“I love you,” he whispers
and kisses my cheekbone.
“You wanna go home?”

I tense, clench my teeth
and then realize he’s talking
about the apartment--
our home.
My home with my Michael
where I can hide forever
embraced in his strong arms
that keep me afloat.


  1. I'm not entirely sure, but I think he'll go with the second choice as well. Michael often leaves things to fester, doesn't he, like when he should have set Leesie straight about Suki in Unbroken Connection.
    I love the poem! She's finally made to DIRECTLY confront-instead of through Michael-the feelings of all the others involved in her accident, however indirectly,and it's wonderful, because she's slowly but surely nearing her breaking point, isn't she? And I can't wait for Michael to read Jaron's post! More complications, what fun! :D
    LOVE.IT. That is all.

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  4. I agree with you girls. He SHOULD confront her with it, but if characters do what they should, it would get so boring fast.

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  6. (Had to fix some typos!)
    Love the poem! Leesie's pain and guilt is heartwrenching. I love how Michael ends up saying basically the same thing to her as everyone on her wall did.

    I think Michael should see her wall. I agree that he'd probably go with the second choice and just let it fester. It seems like there's not a lot to actually confront Leesie with -- Jaron doesn't say that Leesie professes to love him or anything. He just says that he loves her, which Michael probably already suspects from the hospital experience. This would just give some strength to that suspicion.

  7. Having Michael see the wall and then festering over it, would add to the story. And I agree with Gayle. I can understand why Leesie and even Michael would be upset with Jaron but I'm not quite sure why he'd be upset with Leesie? So, as Michael festers, through his dive log, maybe we can find out why?

    By the way, I have 5 kids and don't always have the time to comment but this story is so great that I do make time to check the blog everyday, even if it's at 4:30am (like now) when the baby wakes me up!

  8. I love this! I can't wait till the next post! It's completely engaging watching Leesie struggle with the accident, and watching Michael be there for her.

  9. Sorry I'm late with commenting! I love this poem! It's great to see Leesie so angry, it feels like progress. It's good to see her move on slightly from just the pain and guilt, even if it is to anger.

    I also think Michael would let it fester... seeing as the next part of the chapter has been, this is kind of moot, but I actually think the story would be better if he festered. The explosion when he finally comes out with it will be devastating, I'm sure, but brilliant reading!

  10. Considering how Michael has changed from the Taken By Storm broken Michael, I think he's go with the second choice, too - at least at first. Keep it inside, feel guilty..oh god, now I feel bad for suggesting more complications for them :O

  11. Aww-- thanks for mentioning me!!! I am finally here, as you can probably tell from the other comments. :D

    What would Michael confront her about?